Hey. Felt like a little non-poetical chat. Got some processing to do…
Been running a mile a minute lately. Hardly any let down-at least, not on the level I like.
Expectations of peopling I could not shrink from. Obligations to remember. Schedules of several family members to keep.
Why does everyone and their dog want it all to happen now? Sigh.
And, it’d great if this respite I am writing to you in were not so brief.
But, there stands before me a great yawning cavern of even more responsibilities in the weeks to come.
More things to tend to. More things to attend. Very tiny windows of escape, if at all.
A couple are hopefully going to bring some moments of enjoyment.
Some will just be great when they are over.
And one is…one is that real nitty-gritty “have to be strong” stuff.
I know I don’t do lots of family talk here. But, I have to make a bit of a mention today…
One of my dear ones is poised to go under the knife before we know it, followed by being off her feet for six weeks.
I’m scared. But… I have little room to really be scared.
In the end, I remind myself, it is with optimism of improved mobility we choose this route for her unfortunately pancake-flat and EDS-skewed feet.
Maybe, just maybe, less pain and better balance will allow her to skip in time more with her exuberent heart.
But, it is never an easy moment to encounter for anyone when one of their own faces down an operation.
Add the sensory issues and anxiety often found on the spectrum, and it requires a level of thought I have had to become a pro at-like it or not.
Her fears must come before mine. I mustn’t fuel hers with my own.
I need to be the mighty oak to shelter her once more. The very shelter I grew up longing for and rarely ever had.
Do the things that might’ve helped me way back when so maybe this generation I send out won’t feel so restricted…
It’s these times I feel like where it all seems late for me in some ways, it is a powerful chance to seize the now for the ones coming after me.
So…I guess when I can look at it that way, I can be a little less scared, a little more “let’s do this”.
But, just like so many things in my life, I will still be ever so glad when it’s behind us.