Aloneness.

There is a portion I love,

I need,

I crave.

You know that.

I claw through long, chatty days

Just to let it wash over,

Nearly consume.

But, I strive always to leave you room.

Doors to my heart remain ever ajar,

Just for you,

My dear and sometimes-safe one.

You used to step in so kindly,

On so many occasions.

Yet…

When your busy descends,

As it seems always to do of late,

It is more like a mad hurricane,

Flinging feelings here and there,

Everywhere.

And I find I feel alone in the worst of ways.

Rooms rise up jumbled and yet

Empty of your presence.

My phone refuses to ring your ring,

Announcing your heart’s intentions.

Messages I send, 

Conversations I save,

Moments I capture to reshare?

All grow stale and lifeless

In the constantly waning, wordless days.

I don’t imagine all the wildness you 

Swirl around in

Is entirely pleasant,

Except where you choose it.

And, so often, you do,

Or seem to.

I guess you function best that way,

On your polar opposite plane.

But, I cannot help but wish you

Could come down more often again 

To my quieter terrain.

Ah, but what’s the use?

For, by the time you decide you can

Give a moment to my timid self,

Pry away your phone-fused ear,

There your look’s neither warm nor welcoming,

But, rather, impatient, sharp-eyed, questioning.

I have intruded on business.

Now, if I have such audacity, 

Make with the talk.

Get on with it.

And my throat seizes under such pressure, 

As it always does,

Paralyzed.

I want you in then,

As I did before,

But I cannot gather enough of me to suffice anymore.

For all has dried up and blown away,

Muted and moot as you heave a sigh 

And roll your eyes,  

As on goes your

Hurried, whirlwinded play.

But, my door is still not closed.

Never closed.

You are not ignored,

Neither sneered at for a lack of

Quick and adequate words.

I’m not fair, I suppose,

Caught in painful past 

And present day morose.

Paradoxical, unpleasantly so…

Both the alone-starved and the starving alone.

But, I didn’t choose to open my hurting shell,

Hard as it is,

Just to see you shut me out.

But, what the answer is,

Heaven only knows,

And only He beyond the clouds

Can tell us what’s our route…

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