Some things going on in my life right now that I have very little power over. Some are events which will not come to an absolution for days. I am so not good with the pins and needles of waiting. πŸ˜“ A couple are somethings that have the potential to turn out either great or total disappointment. Trying to stay calm. Thought I was, actually. And, suddenly, this morning, I find myself in the midst of a panic attack over it all….

My heart is tearing right out of

My chest.

A crash of tears I didn’t even know

Were threatening

Come flooding down

My startled face.

Is it depressed mood that has

Caught me by surprise

This time?

I don’t know.

Don’t think so.

Not sad so much as scared.

All this unknowing has me undone, after all.

I know how I am; how is it I was so…

Unprepared?

Is this panic, perhaps?

Yes, yes, that is in there;

I begin to recognize its 

Tightening hold on me.

Today inexplicably feels like

A day of

Impending loss,

Even doom.

No rhyme or reason but the squeeze

In my gut.

And the utterance of 

This foolishness I feel

Makes it seem 

That much more inevitable…

Already, I am prepping for

Terrible news,

Even calamity…

Ridiculous, really.

Good could also be on the brink, you know.

But, to believe for that

And have it snatched?

Far worse than gearing up for worst.

Either way,  the weaving of events

Is spinning right out of my hands

As only these things can…

Oh, all right now is naught but

Imaginings, only imaginings, 

Unfounded when you get down to it!

But oh-so-powerful in their grip

Nonetheless.

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